Mawage. Mawage is
wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin
a dweam… And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva… So tweasure your wuv.
That is a line from what is probably my favorite movie ever! The
Princess Bride. The Clergyman is joining
together in mawage (marriage) Princess Buttercup and Prince Humperdinck. I just
want to scream at her “Don’t do it!” Actually I’m glad I don’t attend many
weddings because I will always want to scream, “Don’t do it!” If you are
planning a wedding the near future and you intend to invite me you may want to
think again!
Just kidding. I will be screaming it in my head but my mama raised me
right and I know better than to “act-up” in public. So you’re safe, go ahead
and invite me! Just don’t give me Vodka…I can’t be held accountable when I
drink Vodka! You’re fore-warned!
In explanation to the fact that it looks like I typed that quote while
under the influence of Vodka, I really am sober, but the clergyman has some
type of speech impediment that causes him to speak that way.
But my real reason for bringing up The Princess Bride is mawage, that
bwessed awangment.
Marriage…ahhh marriage, what can I say about marriage except that it’s
probably the hardest thing ever. Some might say raising kids is harder, but
kids will be raised regardless and you love your kids pretty much
unconditionally so there is hardly anything they can do or say that you don’t
forgive. But getting along with a spouse and making a marriage work is much
more difficult.
Usually in life when you bring two people together one of them has more
authority than the other. In a job you have a boss or a supervisor and an
employee. On a sports team you have a team captain or coach and the player. On a project
or committee you have a project manager or committee chairperson. Granted there
are exceptions but pretty much there is always one with more authority. Even in the parent/child relationship the parent is in authority, or at least should be.
In a marriage you’re supposed to be equal…but does it ever really turn
out that way? Does it?
This month I am using the writing prompts from Blogher’s Writing Lab. The
theme of these writing prompts for September is OPINIONS and the prompt for
today is “What would you do if your opinion clashed with the opinion of someone
you trusted implicitly? Would you yield your opinion or still stick to it?”
When I was married I can remember this coming up many times. A situation
would come up where we each had an opinion and they didn’t always (hardly ever)
match. My spouses answer as to who the
tiebreaker would be was always him. He said that if it came down to a situation
where we could not agree then we would go by his decision. Cut and dry he’s the
boss. Of course this was the same man who once told me my job was just a hobby
and therefore I was not an equal breadwinner, so needless to say since I am in
fact divorced, that I did not yield my opinion.
If I had I would probably still
be married and maybe he would have mellowed out as he got older or maybe I
would have killed him in his sleep…we will never know as I opted to get out of
the marriage instead.
So tell me your thoughts, either about mawage or how you make your
marriage work, how you’ve dealt with coming to a decision in which you don’t
agree, how do you compromise. Or even outside of marriage, do you yield your opinion
or stick to your guns?
Thought-provoking post!
ReplyDeleteThere's no equality in life, no equality between human beings , so don't expect equality in a marriage. In some marriages men are the dominant, in other,women are the dominant figures. It can work, but it requires effort, compromise, adapting skills. These couples are the majority.
Where both have dominant characters - that's usually trouble and there's constantly a clash of minds and wills; it will end up in divorce. Where both have non-dominant, willing to compromise characters - that's good; one complements the other, one shares things with the other. Luckily, there are a lot of couples like the last one- and these are lasting marriages.
That is true DUTA, but there are also the marriages where one gives in totally to the passions and whims of the others. Those last as well but I feel sorry to the passive one that never gets to fulfill their destiny.
ReplyDeleteI think you have to pick your battles and your departments. My wife has her departments and I have mine. Fortunately we are alike on many fronts so we don't often disagree. When we do, we usually compromise or one of gives in.
ReplyDeleteMy clear headed thoughts on this that come after an argument, do I want to be in a loving marriage or do I want to be right, and I am enough of a realist to understand that my right is usually not a universal right.
It probably also helps that I am a big wuss and don't have much spine when it comes to fighting.
Sextant - True, you do have to pick your battles. But you say something very important, you are clearheaded enough to ask if you do want to be in a loving marriage or do you want to be right? Too many people want to be right.
ReplyDeleteAnd both people have to want to be married and be committed to making it work. If you were not such a wuss and did have a spine and felt because you are the more physically stronger of the two, then Mrs. Sextant should tow the line, I can guarantee that no matter how hard Mrs. Sextant tries to make the marriage work...it won't.
Happy to hear from you Sextant, always an honor and a pleasure.
How I make my marriage work? That would take hours, and in the end, I'm not really sure I know. I will say this, I could never stay in a marriage, or any relationship for that matter, where one person wins all disagreements. Nor could I stay in a relationship where what I do is seen as less important. I'm glad you got out, you deserve to come first. We all do.
ReplyDeleteKaren I could not agree with you more! It was difficult for me to come to terms with being a 2nd class citizen in my own home, which is why I could not stay in the marriage. That and a million and one other things.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to say why a marriage works, the only thing I truly believe is that both people have to want the marriage to work. If one wants only whats best for them and not for the other person then it isn't going to work. Thanks for stopping by!