What Would You Do?

 

I’m reading a book that has me thinking! What would I do, if someday I became a quadriplegic? A quadriplegic is someone that has had spinal damage that has left them paralyzed from the neck down. That would mean that you can’t walk, run, sit, or stand without help. You would need someone to feed you, cloth you, bathe you, clean you up after you urinate and/or have a bowel movement. Nothing would work, except for your brain.

In the book by Jojo Moyes titled Me Before You, 35-year-old Will Traynor was a partner in a prestigious law firm in London. He was hit by a motorcycle early one rainy morning as he was crossing the street and awoke as a quadriplegic.

Can you even imagine that? One moment you’re young and strong and have the world by the tail and the next moment you need help to do the smallest of things, like blow your nose.

In the story, Will agrees to wait six months; at his parents request before he goes to a place called Dignitas, which come to find out is actually a real place. Dignitas is a non-profit organization that offers access to assisted dying in Switzerland. His parents want him to take the six months to think about everything he would lose and would miss if he were to commit suicide. But for Will, he’s already lost everything, he already misses everything. He doesn’t want to live trapped in his body which will gradually weaken and he’s in constant pain.

In walks Louisa Clark aka Lou aka Clark who becomes his caretaker for the six months. She doesn’t know she’s just on suicide watch although she notices that he’s got scars along his arms which look very much to her like a suicide attempt, she finds out it was. Will was left in his wheelchair very close to a window that had a nail sticking out of it and by the ability to move his wheelchair back and forth he was able to cut his arms open and almost dies, he is found just in time.

Will has had to move in with his parents, he has his own private rooms and a physiotherapist named Nathan that comes in daily to exercise him and take care of the bodily functions that Will has. Louisa is hired to relieve Nathan and eventually she finds out that she has been hired to watch him to make sure he does not hurt himself again. She later finds out about the six-month waiting period before his parents will take him to Dignitas so he can end his life. It is at this time that she makes it her mission in life to change Wills mind and show him that he still has a reason to live. I won’t tell you any more about the story in hopes that you decide you want to read it. It’s a book worth reading, I could not put it down.

It made me wonder what I would do? Would I have the courage to go to a place like Dignitas and leave everything I know even though now it’s so different? How could I leave my mom, my kids, my siblings and all my friends, extended family, and people I love. How could I expect them to stand by and watch, knowing what my decision is. Would I ask them to be there for my last moments? Would I want to be alone instead?

What would be the other option, to live trapped in my body and make myself a burden to others. I know there are many people out there in the world that are quadriplegic and are living happy, productive lives, would I be one of them? It just makes one stop and wonder.

I think it takes a certain person to live as a quadriplegic and in the same way it take a certain kind of person do commit assisted suicide, either way it takes a very strong, determined individual to do either choice and I hope I never have to make that choice. My worse nightmare is to be a burden to someone else.

The Sacrifices Women Make - From Left to Write - The Little Paris Bookshop

Before you begin reading this post I need to clarify that I am writing strictly from the woman's point of view. I'm not saying only women make sacrifices, but writing only about the sacrifices that I have seen women make.

Disclosure: This post was inspired by the novel The Little Paris Bookshop by Nina George, where Monsieur Perdu--a literary apothecary--finally searches for the woman who left him many years ago.. Join From Left to Write on October 8th as we discuss The Little Paris Bookshop. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

We all know that women are strong, strong willed, and stubborn. I know this as a fact because that describes me. Those three attributes are not always considered to be an attractive or needed quality for a woman. We're the weaker sex, we should be submissive, quiet, recalcitrant. As women we sometimes fake those attributes in order to survive and prosper in this world.

This post was going to be about all the great things that women do for others, especially their children, but I deleted everything I had written after this because today I read something that really brought home the strength and courage of a woman and I think a lot of what is in that women is in all of us.

On Facebook, I follow HUMANS OF NEW YORK or HONY. HONY was started in 2010 by a fellow named Brandon who thought it would be cool to start photographing people in the streets of New York. He was going to photograph 10,000 people and plot their photos on a map.

Brandon didn't know what he had started, never dreamed where he would go, never imagined what HONY would mean to his life and the life of the over 10 million followers that he has worldwide! 

He's traveled and documented photos all over the world. Photos that make us laugh and photos that make us cry. Photos that prompt us to realize that we can make a difference in someones life other than our own. 

Currently Brandon is sharing his Humans of New York Refugee Stories. During a time when our country is horribly divided because of refugees here in our own country, he is showing us why refugees and immigrants seek to escape the countries they come from. It's gut wrenching and the photos and stories are not for the faint of heart, even the toughest of people read these stories and look at these pictures with tears in their eyes. 

The photo that I want to share today and the story that goes with it shows just how strong women are, how selfless, how protective.

Here is the story that goes with it...

This mother, this woman...the heartbreak she must have endured to send her beloved child out alone in the world. How does she sleep at night. How does she eat even a morsel of food knowing that her child is out there and not knowing if he is eating? I can't even imagine!

But she didn't think of herself, she thought only of him and of saving him. So many women do the same thing. 

In the book The Little Paris Bookshop, Manon, the love interest of Jean Perdu becomes pregnant while ill with Cancer and she doesn't tell anyone until it is too late to make a difference. She died so her daughter could live. 

Woman may be strong, strong willed and stubborn because it's the attributes we need to face the challenges that life brings so us. 

      

One Thousand White Women and Snowy Egrets

This is a rather random post but I’m reading a book entitled One Thousand White Women - The Journals of May Dodd by the author Jim Fergus. 

I’m really enjoying this book and came across a passage today that I want to share, but before I do let me give you a little background on the book. 

The story is about May Dodd and her adventures in traveling across the country from New York to the American West in the year 1875 as part of a government program to send unmarried, fertile woman to marry and mate with Cheyenne warriors in hopes of assimilating future generations of the Cheyenne people with the white man’s world. 

The U.S. government has agreed to send the Cheyenne Nation 1,000 white women in exchange for 1,000 horses, 500 hundred wild horses and 500 that are already broken. The book has not and probably won’t explain the condition and value of the horses that the Cheyenne will be sending to the U.S. government but it does explain where these women will come from. 

A few will be women that volunteer, that are of a certain age and able to bear children. The rest of them will come from prisons and insane asylums where in exchange for traveling across country and marrying heathens, they will be given their freedom. 

Now I’m not big in politics, don’t throw my political opinion around as easily and frequently as do most people, especially on Facebook, but I will say that it doesn’t seem as though our government has changed much from 1875! 

In the part of the book that I want to share, the women have already arrive at Fort Laramie and are being detained there, basically as prisoners until they are shipped off to their new spouses. The ladies are gathered at the table for dinner and are discussing the latest New York fashion in hats. 

There is one lady named Helen Flight who is the author of a book entitled Birds of Britain and is working on a new book entitled Birds of America. Ms. Flight finds herself short of funds to continue her research on the Birds of America and thinks it a grand idea to head off to marry a Cheyenne warrior for the opportunity to study the bird life of the western prairies at no expense to her! That makes perfect sense right? 

One of the ladies is wearing a new hat with feathers and they are all commenting on the hat and Ms. Flights says, “I say, Miss Bradley, were you aware that the feathers on your hat are the breeding plumes of the snowy egret?” 

“Why no I wasn’t”, answers Miss Bradley. “Isn’t that fascinating?” 

Snowy Egret - Full Breeding Plumage - Photo Credit

“Quite” says Ms. Flight, “rather a nasty business, actually, which I had occasion to witness last spring while I was in the Florida swamps studying the wading birds of the Everglades for my Birds of America portfolio. As you correctly stated, the feather-festooned hat such as the one you wear is very much the vogue in New York fashion these days. The hat makers there have commissioned the Seminole Indians who inhabit the Everglades to supply them with feathers for the trade. The Indians have devised an ingenious method of netting the birds while they are on their nests—which the birds are reluctant to leave due to their instinct to protect their young. Of course, the Indians must kill the adult birds in order to pluck the few ‘aigrettes’ or nuptial plumes as they are more commonly known. Entire rookeries are thus destroyed, the young orphaned birds left to starve in the nest. Pity… a terribly disagreeable sound that of a rookery full of nestlings crying for their parents, you can hear it across the swamp for miles…”

This made me tear up. Imagining those poor birds defending their young and being killed, simply for feathers! According to Wikipedia, the Snowy Egret is now a protected species thanks to the Migratory Bird Treaty Act. 

The book also talks about the train stopping along the way on the prairie for the men on board to "hunt" the buffalo on the prairie by shooting them where they stand out of the train windows. There is no "hunting" involved, just cruelty and cowardliness at shooting defenseless animals for sport. The animals left where they fall, some dead some mortally wounded, some with newborn spring calf's, left to rot.

It just makes me sad and angers me to think of how cruel human beings can be. I'm not opposed to killing animals to supply us with food, as long as it is done humanely, but to kill them for sport or for fun or for fashion! No! Just no...


 

Dead Wake - From Left to Write

I've never been good at History. Never really even liked it. I know, I know...as Edmund Burke once said, "Those who don't know history are destined to repeat it." 

Maybe the reason I don't like History is because it seemed like every year we would start with the same old American History book and we never got beyond the Civil War. Or maybe I stopped listening after the Civil Way.

But I've been reading an excellent book by Erik Larsen called Dead Wake, The Last Crossing of the Lusitania and one of the things that has made an impact on me is when he writes about the death of the wife of then President Woodrow Wilson.

Photo Credit - National First Ladies Library

Ellen Axson Wilson died on August 6, 1914, just a couple of days after Britain entered the new war in Europe and a year and a half into President Wilson's first term. I stopped to think about how devastating that must have been, to go through his wife's illness with her and then her death and still have to be the President of the United States. It's just mind boggling.

This got me to thinking about tragedies that happened to other Presidents during their term in office.  

Photo Credit - The American Presidents

There was our drunkest president, Franklin Pierce. He was the 14th President of the United States and while he was likable and popular president during his term he struggled with his wife Jane's illnesses and depression. They lost two sons, one just a few days old and the other at the age of four. They had another son named Bennie who lived to the age of 11 and died horribly in a train accident when the train they were on went off the track and rolled down a hill. Bennie was instantly decapitated and the President and Mrs. Pierce witnessed the whole thing. President Pierce died March 4, 1857 of cirrhosis of the liver. 

Maybe this book has opened up an interest in me for History.

This post was inspired by Dead Wake by Erik Larson, a thrilling account of Lusitania’s last voyage across the Atlantic Ocean and the U-boat that attacked it. Join From Left to Write on March 26th as we discuss Dead Wake. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.


 

The Sleep of the Innocent

I've always been a good sleeper. 

I inherited that ability from my dad. He could fall asleep anywhere, anytime.

I can remember when I was a kid, that he would come home during his lunch hour and he would eat the lunch my mom made him, then he would lay down in his recliner and take a nap before he had to go back to work. He would instantly start snoring. Sometimes we would jump into his lap and he would wake up and look at us with bewilderment and then he would go right back to sleep again. 

My mom who always had a hard time sleeping would get so mad at him that he could sleep like that. That soundly, That deeply. That restfully. Like it was his fault! My dad would tell her that he could sleep that soundly because he slept the sleep of the innocent. Without malice, without worry, without strife, without stress. I think that really pissed my mom off. Probably because she took it to mean that she couldn't sleep because she had malice, worry, strife and stress. I don't think my dad meant it that way, but I'm sure my mom took it that way. 

I sleep the sleep on the innocent as well. I can lay down at night and turn off the light and my body knows it's time to go to sleep. The bad thing is that they can lower the lights at a movie theater and my body thinks it's time to go to sleep. I can start reading a book and my body thinks it's time to go to sleep. My body thinks it's way innocent-er than it really is!

My sister and my mom both still experience bouts of insomnia, while I sleep soundly through the night. I also love naps during the day. I normally can't nap unless it's the weekend but I can lay down around 2pm on a Saturday and catch a 20 minute nap or a 1 hour nap and awaken refreshed and ready. 

I've been reading the book Thrive by Arianna Huffington for my online book club, From Left to Write.

In the book Arianna talks about how important it is to get a good nights sleep. It can help you to deal with stress better and is a great aid to losing weight. Sleep brings lots of good benefits with it. 

I wish I knew the secret to being able to get a good nights sleep. If I knew the secret I would definitely share it with my mom and my sister and with anyone else that has trouble sleeping. I just know that for me sleep comes easily and in fact I very rarely dream, or maybe I dream and just don't remember them, but when I wake in the morning or after an afternoon nap I am well rested and ready to face the day. 

Do you sleep the sleep of the innocent or do you toss and turn and sleep fitfully?

This post was inspired by Thrive by Arianna Huffington who challenges women unplug and sleep more to create a balanced life. Join From Left to Write on March 19th as we discuss Thrive. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.


 

No More Excuses - From Left to Write

I agree that we should exercise to be fit and not skinny. I don't know how many people, myself included, will go on some crazy diet because they want to fit into a wedding dress, or a bathing suit, or they have some event that they want to look good for. They (I) punish their body and if they punish their body hard enough they may lose 5 or 10 pounds, only to gain it back, plus more, within a few weeks after the event.

Very few of us make the commitment to exercise to strengthen our body, to prolong our life, to avoid illness. Exercise is not easy and it's not for the weak either. It takes dedication and sacrifice.

I'll be honest and admit that I'm not a big fan of exercise. The most I do is walk from my office to the bathroom several times a day which is just down the hall. Every once in a while I'll get on a kick and maybe do an exercise video, well about 5 minutes of one; or I'll get on my stationary bike and ride for...oh about 5 minutes and I'm done. I constantly promise myself to do better, when the weather is warmer, when I'm not so stressed out, when the Moon is in Jupiter, every time except RIGHT NOW.

Eat to nourish your body. I really try hard to follow that one. I follow a low carb/high fat diet and I really try to stick with it. During the week it's not so hard, I fast in the morning. I read recently about Intermittent Fasting and it made sense to me. I've been doing it for about 6 months now and if I stick to my low carb diet I can lose weight but since I'm not sticking to it as well as I should I'm just maintaining the weight I'm at right now.

I do know that since beginning to eat low carb/high fat I eat healthier because I eat a lot more salads. Salads filled with romaine lettuce, diced cabbage, jalapenos, cilantro, bell peppers, cucumbers and always some type of protein. I didn't use to eat many salads before. So I definitely feel better and I know that the last time I saw my doctor my blood pressure was good, my cholesterol was ok, no sign of diabetes, she gave me a clean bill of health, except for telling me to lose weight! Grrr! I also drink tons of water, hence making it easier to maintain my exercise routine of heading down he hall to go to the bathroom!

It's that next part in the quote above that gets to me, Ignore the Haters, Doubters and Unhealthy Examples that were once Feeding You. That is harder to do than even exercise! The Haters and Doubters live in my own head! For as long as I can remember I have had a hate/hate relationship with my body, my weight, my self-image. It had nothing to do with seeing pictures of beautiful, thin models. Nothing to do with the fact that my Barbie was thin, or the ads on TV of thin women living gloriously fabulous lives. I didn't want to be thin because Barbie was thin, anymore than I wanted to be blond because Barbie was.  It's something within that I was born with.

As young as age 14 I hated my body and felt that I was fat. I look back at photos of me back then and I was so thin! There's another saying that makes me laugh every time I read it. "I wish I were as fat now as I was the first time I thought that I was fat!"

I remember crying and begging my mom to take me to a doctor to help me to lose weight. My poor mom, what a hellion I must have been because she actually did take me to a doctor who prescribed diet pills for me. This was way back in the day and pretty much these diet pills were basically speed. I can remember taking them and not having an appetite at all. All I wanted to do was clean and I was like a little energizer bunny. But I lost weight and started high school with a thin svelte body, but still I struggled all through high school and after.

I punished my body in high school, I realize that now. I wouldn't eat any breakfast and for lunch my friends and I would walk about three blocks to a convenience store where I would get a small bag of Doritos and a bottle of Dr. Pepper and a bag of peanuts that I would put in the Dr. Pepper, and that was all I would have for lunch. I was involved in lots of activities after school, cheer leading, softball, volleyball, etc and I did all those activities with nothing in my body but the foods mentioned above. Is it any reason that my metabolism now is all screwed up!

Then don't even get me started on my body right after I had my first child! I can remember trying to lose the baby weight with my own version of what was a healthy diet. I remember eating one slice of toast in the morning with nothing but honey on it and my coffee. Then the rest of the day I would eat nothing but air-popped popcorn and water until my husband came home from work and I had to cook for him so I ate what he ate. I can tell you right now, this doesn't work at all, especially not for me that needs to eat as few carbs as possible!

So maybe it's time to just listen to that last line in the quote above, YOU are worth more than you realize. I really have no problem with understanding that. I love myself, I think I'm pretty great, I'm smart and kind and loving and generous and hard working and I could go on and on all day long about the great things I am...but, I'm not happy with my body and honestly that is not what makes me worth more than I realize. I understand my worth, I just wish I could fit all my greatness into a thinner body. 

This post was inspired by The No More Excuses Diet by Maria Kang who shares the no excuses philosophy that motivated her to become more fit. Join From Left to Write on March 12th as we discuss The No More Excuses Diet. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.



 

Trapped Under the Sea - From Left to Write

I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I know that sounds funny, but it's true. I've never found my true calling, my true passion.

Even now if you were to ask me what career path I would choose for myself if I could be anything I want to be I would not know what to say. 

The obvious answers like a famous actress, a singer/song writer, a doctor, a lawyer, all those things don't really appeal to me. 

I've always said jokingly that if I were to win the lottery tomorrow I would become a professional student just going to college to take various classes without really trying to get a degree, just for the love of learning. I know that I would mostly take classes having to do with Journalism and Writing. I've always loved to write.

I remember one summer when I was going to write a book. I think I was in the 7th grade and I had my mom buy me a composition book. Remember those? 

I started out by writing, "Once upon a time" because that is how all great books start. That is as far as I got. I doodled and drew lines and then I just started writing numbers.

I kept going the whole summer until I filled the whole book with numbers. If the Great American Novel is in my head it's taking it's time coming out!

In the book that I'm currently reading, Trapped Under The Sea by Neil Swidey, which is a true story about a team of divers that get trapped...under the sea; I am amazed by the divers and their work. I haven't gotten to the point of their getting trapped yet but I am on the edge of my seat reading this amazing book!

Each of these divers just stumbled into diving and the type of work that they do, and they love it. They live, breathe and eat diving to the exclusion of almost everything else. I sometimes wonder if someday I will stumble into something that I love just like that?

What about you? Are you living your dream career? Did you just stumble into it? Did you always know what you wanted to do? Or are you like me and waiting to see what you're going to be when you grow up?

 

This post was inspired by Trapped Under the Sea by Neil Swidey. In Boston, five men were sent into a dark, airless, miles-long tunnel below the ocean to do a nearly impossible job that would help clean the once dirtiest harbor in America. Join From Left to Write on February 19th as we discuss Trapped Under the Sea As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.


 

Coaching Isn't Just About Winning Games - The Matheny Manifesto

Coaching isn't just about winning games, it's about building better human beings.

I'm in the middle of reading a book by Mike Matheny.

If you're like me, you have no idea who Mike Matheny is, so let me give you some background.

Mike Matheny is a former professional baseball catcher. He made his debut in the major leagues in April of 1994 with the Brewers. In 1999 he signed with the St. Louis Cardinals. During his time with with the Cardinals he helped St. Louis reach the postseason in four of his five years with the team and they claimed the National League pennant in 2004.

He was considered one the greatest defensive players in the Major Leagues and was given the nickname "The Toughest Man Alive", after taking a 96 mph fast ball in the face and playing the very next day! His career ended after a series of concussions that would not allow him to return.

You can read more about Mike on his website HERE.

Mike was asked to coach a youth baseball team and wrote a series of conditions he demanded before agreeing to be with the team. This letter spread virally across the country and became knows as the "Matheny Manifesto" and the book has inspired me to write about my own experiences, thoughts and theories on Coaching.

My Son when he played for
Coach Figueroa

My first experience in youth sports (other than when I was playing) was when my son was 7 years old and he asked to play Baseball. He had never played Baseball, had never even caught a ball that I knew of. I remember his first day of practice. I had bought him a new glove and tried to play catch with him but even at that age he didn't want to play with a girl and he didn't think that I knew what I was doing.

He headed out to the field and I stepped up to speak to his Coach. I explained to Coach Figueroa that my son had never played and to go easy on him and he said he would. He asked my son to stand by home base and then he threw a soft lob at him. I still laugh at this because I had told him how to hold the glove but he had to do his own thing and learn the hard way. The ball bounced out of his glove and hit him right in the side of his face! He was mortified! Coach came over, told him not to worry about it and then showed him how to hold his glove (the same exact way that I had shown him!)

Coach Figueroa was an excellent coach. He never yelled at the boys and even though he was coaching his own two sons on the same team I never felt that he showed favoritism to them. My son gained a lot of experience and self-esteem and a love of the sport.

That was the only good coaching experience I ever had. My son continued on playing Basketball and Baseball for several coaches, but he never had one like Coach Figueroa.

I hate to complain because these men donated their time to coach, they didn't do it for money. Whether they did it for love of the game or love of their sons, they were still donating their own time. But so many of them perhaps should have found something better to donate their time too. I experienced coaches that only cared about winning so they never let all the boys play, even when we were 10, 20 points ahead of the other team. I experienced coaches that yelled at the boys when mistakes were made. The worst thing that I experienced was a couple of coaches that were only doing it so they could have their son and the sons of their buddies shine. It wasn't about the team, it was about grown men wanting to relive their accomplishments through their sons, at the expense of the team and the other boys.

Another thing I recall is all the dad's on the sidelines yelling at their sons for mistakes or for not paying attention. After one game my son and I walked back to the car and got in and we sat there for a bit and watched a game that was going on and you could hear a dad ridiculing and riding his son and my son turned to me and said, "Mom, sometimes I'm glad I don't have a dad. All the dads I know yell at their kids during the game, but you never do." My heart broke for those other boys and for my son who didn't have a dad.

In reading the Matheny Manifesto I realize that this should be a mandatory book for all coaches to read before they decide to start coaching. It's not a bad thing to read as a young parents or even as an employee, there are many lessons to be learned in this book. One thing that resonated with me was an excerpt where Mike is retelling a story of meeting some Navy SEALS. He asked one SEAL who was both a leader and an instructor what five characteristics he commonly saw in those SEALS who made it through the process. He listed these five:

1. Physical toughness ("The easiest quality to find," he said.)
2. Mental toughness
3. Moral toughness (He described this as "Doing the right thing all the time, even when nobody's looking.")
4. Team orientation ("A belief that the needs of the team are greater than your own.")
5. Humility

How many of us can use those five characteristics in how we live our every day lives? Especially number 3!

My son a few years later with more confidence
in himself and more training in how to hold a
bat! Batters glove and everything!

I'll end this post with a funny story that I recall with fondness when my son was playing Baseball. This was a few years later when he had more experience under his belt. I would sit in the stands with the other parents, usually my mom and dad would join me, sometimes my sister and my brother and his family. I would hear the other parents say encouraging things to their son when they were up at bat and got hit by the ball. The most common sayings were "shake it off" and "take one of the team".

So it was my son's turn to bat and the pitcher hit him with the ball and I could tell it hurt him so I yelled out to him, "that's ok son, shake it off...take one for the team!"

He stepped out of the batters box, turned to me and said, "you take one for the team mom, that hurt!"

All the people in the stands laughed at that, my dad laughing the hardest and now it was my turn to be mortified. All those parents yelling that same thing at their sons but only my son had the nerve to turn around and talk back! He was and is a character!

This post was inspired by The Matheny Manifesto by Mike Matheny. St. Louis Cardinals manager Matheny shares his tough-love philosophy for children's team sports that translate to everyday life. Join From Left to Write on February 12th as we discuss The Matheny Manifesto. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

From Left to Write - If I Fall, If I Die

"How was it that to give a child life was to, on that the very same day--even before you could lay eyes upon their slick, purple bodies--have already given them their death?"

This is a line from the book, If I Fall, If I Die by Michael Christie. I loved this line in the book as it's so true. I think there is nothing greater than a mothers love. To be a mother that suddenly becomes terrified of the outside, of life, of dealings with other human beings. How do you raise a child when you can't even handle life yourself? And as a child, how do you know that the way your mother is is not normal? Do you understand, or do you accept only what you do know?

I remember when my daughter April was born. I didn't work for two years after she was born, just stayed home and took care of her. At that time we lived in a mobile home, in a mobile home park. My husband worked two jobs to provide for us and when he came home he was tired and grumpy and we fought a lot and he didn't help much with the baby.

My mom, who was and still is my best friend lived 30 minutes away and I would talk to her every morning on the phone and again in the evening, but other than the communication with my mom and my grumpy husband I spoke to no one all day except my baby daughter.

Before you knew it she became my whole world and being home, in my sweet little two bedroom mobile home...well that became my whole world too. I can remember the UPS driver coming to the house one morning to deliver a package and I hid like the mafia was outside waiting to kidnap me and my daughter and take us away, peeking through slits in the curtains terrified. I was that much of a shut-in, I was that terrified of the outside world!

When I would go outside, to go to the grocery store or to a restaurant with either my mom or my husband I felt like I was watching myself from the outside, I didn't really feel part of the world. Kind of like taking NyQuil and not sleeping, just wandering around in a fog, always in a hurry to be back into the world I knew, the world inside my little mobile home with just myself and my daughter.

I often wonder what would have happened if I had stayed home to be a full-time wife and mother. Would I have become an agoraphobic? Would I have eventually refused to come outside at all, to be a part of the outside world? What would have happened to my daughter, growing up with a mom that refused to leave the safety of her home?

Fortunately for me when my daughter turned two I was offered a good job by a lady that had employed me in the past and my world opened up again. I met the people at the daycare center Penny Lane Preschool where I left my daughter each morning. I made friends with other mothers, I made friends with the ladies at my new job and I became acclimated to the outside world again.

When I became pregnant with my son four years later I was worried that I would go through that shut-in phase again, but that didn't happen as I still had to be a part of my daughters outside world. Had to attend school events and walk her to the bus stop, but it still scares me just a little bit how much I love being home and alone in my own little world, reading, watching TV, blogging. I worry about retiring and wonder if in my retirement maybe I'll become a shut-in? One never knows, but it's so easy to fall into it.

This post was inspired by the novel If I Fall, If I Die by Michael Christie,about a boy who's never been outside, thanks to his mother's agoraphobia, but ventures outside in order to solve a mystery. Join From Left to Write on January 22nd as we discuss If I Fall, If I Die. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

 

Sisters - Forever Friends

This post was inspired by the novel, The Mill River Redemption by Darcie Chan, about two estranged sisters who are forced to work together in order to uncover the hidden inheritance left to them by their mother. Join From Left to Write on December 2nd as we discuss The Mill River Redemption and enter to win a copy of the novel. As a member I received a copy of the novel for review purposes.

This year has been a pretty good year for my online book club. We've read some really great books that created quite a bit of discussion and really inspired all the members to share thoughts and feelings and experiences. I believe this is the last book for 2014 and it's a good one. I can't wait for 2015!!!

I only just started this book over the Thanksgiving Holiday and have to admit I haven't read it all but was inspired right from the beginning to write about sisters.

One of the best posts that I've ever written, and my personal favorite is this one entitled simply SISTERS. It starts out with one of my favorite paintings, Deux Soeurs (Two Sisters) by William Adolfe Bouguereau. I love these two sisters together. The older one protecting the younger one and yet you also see the older one leaning on the younger one for support. I felt this when I wrote the post about my mom and her sister.

I feel that when I think about my own sister. There is a special bond between sisters and definitely a strong bond between my mom and her sister and me and my sister.

"Sister. She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. Some days, she's the reason you wish you were an only child." - Barbara Alpert.

My Sister Lisa and I in Mexico on vacation with our parents

As a big sister you're brave because you know your little sister is watching you, waiting for your reaction. If you're not scared, she's not scared.

"Sisters function as safety nets in a chaotic world simply by being there for each other." - Carol Saline

My sister Lisa and I at a Halloween Party this year

When you're with your sister you know that you have a ready-made friend. Someone there that's always ready to be your partner in crime!

"Sister is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship." - Margaret Mead

My sister Lisa and me this October in Lake Tahoe

"A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost." - Marion C. Garretty

Lisa and I in our aprons ready to do our mom's bidding while making Christmas Tamales

"If you don't understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child." - Linda Sunshine

Lisa and I in the bleachers waiting for her sons Graduation Ceremony to begin

"A Sister is a gift to the heart, a Friend to the spirit, a Gold Thread to the meaning of Life". - Isadora James

If ever Lisa and I have to work together to discover a hidden inheritance I think we will do quite well both in finding the inheritance and in spending it!
 

My Childhood Talent

When I was a little girl I had an amazing talent that astounded all the relatives that would hear me.

It was such an amazing talent that many times they offered me money to perform, much to the dismay of my parents who didn't feel my talent warranted all this fame.

More than likely my parents were scared to be blamed for my ability to perform this talent so well at such a young age. Where did I learn this talent from? Was it from my dad? My Mom?

We lived out in the country on the ranch my dad worked at. I was the oldest child and therefore had no older sibling to help me cultivate this talent.

I’m sure by now you are wondering what this amazing talent of mine was? Do I still have this talent? Do I still perform for relatives? Do I still perform for money? Ok, that question looks as bad in writing as it sounded in my head!

My amazing talent??? Was it singing? Yodeling? Playing an instrument?

Nope, Nope and Nope! It was my ability to curse in Spanish with a smattering of curse words in English thrown in just for fun.

Family and friends were stunned and mesmerized by how I was able to curse in fluent Spanish. I don’t know where I learned these words, but they were doozy's!

And not only did I know these words in Spanish but I had this knack of stringing them all together in one fluid sentence, without hesitation, without tripping over the words. Boy howdy did I impress my relatives! Is it any wonder they offered me money? And this was in the days of penny candy when with 50 cents I could buy 50 pieces of candy!!! And I did love my candy in those days!

You can understand now how my parents probably felt and why they were dismayed, because definitely I had to be learning these words from one of them as I wasn't even school age yet!

You've all seen that fabulous movie A Christmas Story right? I know I watch it several times each holiday season and love it!

There's a part in the movie where little Ralphie lets out with a swear word and his mother is stunned and wants to know "where did you hear that word?" Well as Ralphie said about his dad, "Now, I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master." And then they wash his mouth out with soap!

Love that movie, and I can probably guess where I learned all my swear words too, my old man!

This post was inspired by the novel J by Howard Jacobson, about a world where collective memory has vanished and the past is a dangerous country, not to be talked about or visited. As a member of the online book club From Left to Write, I received a copy of the book for review purposes. 



 

The Goddess of Small Victories, Cesar Chavez and Crunchy Mexican Rice!

     "Damn it to hell, Kurt! Set the table!" 
     "Don't swear like that, Adele. And don't get so agitated. this is not a formal dinner." 
     I stuck my tongue out at his back. I set the table and looked at it critically: no silver, no fine porcelain. The secondhand bride had not merited an elaborate trousseau.
     He stayed planted by the window.
     "Where are they? Did you tell them six o'clock?"
     "They had to bring Russell to the station first."
     "I'm wondering when I should put the souffle in the oven."
     "You should  have planned a simpler menu."
     "Albert Einstein is coming to dinner! Of course I'm going the whole nine yards!"

     This is a post inspired by the book The Goddess of Small Victories by Yannick Grannec, a novel about brilliant mathematician Kurt Godel as told from his ex-cabaret dancer wife's perspective. Join my online book group, From Left to Write on October 16th as we discuss The Goddess of Small Victories. As a member I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

   

Kurt Gödel and his wife, Adele.
Photograph by Oskar Morgenstern,
courtesy of the Archives of the
 Institute for Advanced Study.

     In the excerpt above from the book we find Adele, the wife of the famous mathematician Kurt Godel preparing to host a dinner for Albert Einstein!

     Can you just imagine that? Having dinner with Albert Einstein? Not only having dinner but hosting a dinner and doing all the cooking yourself?

     It's just mind boggling to me. I've never before had to make a dinner for a famous person. I've never before had to make a dinner for anyone other than family and friends.

     I do remember when I was dating my now ex-husband that I invited him over so that I could cook him a traditional Mexican meal. He requested Enchiladas, Rice and Beans. I think that is probably more traditional to Caucasians that visit Mexican restaurants but as Mexicans that's not a normal dish that we eat all the time, at least not in my family.

     But I tried. I don't remember if I made a homemade enchilada sauce or if I used a canned one. I think I probably just used the red chile powder that my mom would poo-poo as not authentic, but the enchiladas were ok. What I really didn't get right was the rice. I don't think I had ever made Mexican rice by myself prior to that time, I always just watch my mom and stirred the pot when it was needed.

     My rice was disgusting! It was crunchy and under-cooked. It wasn't the beautiful orangy color that Mexican rice is supposed to be. Mine was more the color of dried blood. But to give credit to my then boyfriend and future husband/ex-husband, he ate it and said it was the best thing he'd ever tasted. I guess that's the reason I married him.

Photo Credit - The Kitchn

     This started me to thinking about who I would invite to dinner if I could have dinner with just one person living or dead, and family and loved ones were not allowed.

     So many people came to mind. Mother Teresa was first, Elvis came to mind too. I thought about John F. Kennedy and Joan Rivers, but then I remembered that a long time ago when I was a teenager my dad took us on a summer vacation trip to visit his mother and father in Santa Maria, California.

     At that time we lived about 350 miles away from them, so that was a pretty long car trip for us. My sister and I usually took a book to read and when we got bored we terrorized our little brother Freddie who sat in the middle of us in the backseat.

Photo Credit - bio.

     I remember on this trip that I took a library book, a biography of Cesar Chavez, labor leader and farm worker advocate and founder of the UFW, United Farm Workers. It was a very interesting book and I was learning a lot about Cesar Chavez and his movement to unionize farm workers to provide better working conditions and fair wages, especially since Mr. Chavez believed in justice through non-violence.

     I remember asking my dad about Cesar Chavez. My dad at that time was a farm foreman and was in the thick of dealing with the UFW. He scoffed when I mentioned how I admired Mr. Chavez for his justice through non-violence and named several things that had improved under his leadership like clean water and bathrooms for the farm workers. Breaks and lunch hours.

     My dad in the meantime, like many other farmers and farm foremen had been dealing with the violence of the UFW during the picketing and rioting of the Huelgas (Strikes) and the strong arm tactics of the thugs that were the hired guns for the UFW. What my dad was telling me, what he had seen and experienced was totally different than what I was reading in the book.

     I think it would be so interesting to sit down to dinner and talk with Cesar Chavez. I do believe in my heart that he did want to change things and to do it without violence. I also believe that he did many good things and brought about change and gave a voice to many.

     It would be even more interesting to sit down with Mr. Chavez and my dad and listen to both of them talking about their experiences and what they saw and how they viewed the Farm Labor Movement. One thing I do know is that if I had both of these gentlemen over to dinner and I was in charge of making the meal I definitely would not make Enchiladas, Crunchy Rice and Beans!


 

From Left to Write - Barracuda and Family

Just finished the book Barracuda by Christos Tsiolkas for my online book club, From Left to Write. As a member of From Left to Write I received a free copy of the book for review purposes. We don't actually review the book, instead we write a blog post inspired by something in the book. Barracuda is a novel where former Olympic hopeful Dan destroys his swimming career and his attempt at redemption after prison.

After reading the book I had not one thought about what to write about. I didn't really enjoy reading the book and wondered what I was missing. So I logged into my Goodreads account and read several reviews by different people and realized that several people felt like me about the book, so that made me feel better.

One of the things that I did notice in the story-line is how important family is. In my life I've had several ups and downs. Times when I was so happy I had to share it with someone and times when I was so down and devastated that I needed someone by my side to provide comfort, love and safety and in all those times it has been family.

Whether they were there to teach me right from wrong, like my maternal grandmother who once reprimanded me for tossing the car keys to my mom when she asked for them. My grandmother very sternly advised me that I was being disrespectful and to never throw anything to or at my parents and made me go get the keys from my mother, walk back to her and then walk back to my mother and hand them to her.

Or whether they were there to give me advice about life and the choices we make, like my paternal grandfather who gave me the best advice I've ever received when I was married and torn between ending my marriage to an abusive man or staying for the sake of my children and because of my Catholic faith. My grandfather told me, "Mejor sola que mal acompanda." Better alone than in bad company.

When I got sick with Cancer several years ago, it was my family that was by my side. I remember my brother Fred, when I told him I was going to have surgery he asked me for the date so he could ask his boss for the time off. I told him he didn't have to take the time off, that I would be fine and that my mom and dad, my sister Lisa, my daughter April and my son James would all be there. He said, "Are you kidding? I am going to be there too! Alicia, sometimes you don't wake up from the anesthesia." At the time I thought that was a very depressing thing to hear, but later I realized that if that was going to be my last day on this earth, then the last few minutes would have my brother Fred in it, because he loved me and nothing else mattered more to him that day.

Through all the trials and tribulations that Dan/Danny went through in the book, his family was there to love and support him, even when he didn't appreciate them, when he was downright mean and nasty to them, when he cared only about himself and they were just bit players the in life of Danny, they were still there for them, because family loves you for the rest of your life, no matter what!