I follow a blog called Spo-Reflections and most recently read a post “Resist the urge to hurry” and while leaving a comment I felt the urge to write a post about his second New Years resolution – Pause before speaking.
My comment to him
was as follows:
“I cut people off
because I THINK I have a gist of what they are trying to say. It’s wrong
of me to do that because insightful as I think I am, I’m not always right and I
should listen. In recent years I have noticed that there are many people in my
life that don’t tend to listen because they are so busy creating a response in their head. Everyone wants to be listened to, whether we do know
what they are going to say or not…so I like your second one, I’m going to keep
that one in mind in 2024.”
Most people, myself
included listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. As I listen to clients,
co-workers, family, and friends, in my mind I am putting together what I am going to
reply. I’m not truly listening; I’m waiting for my turn to talk…and sometimes
it’s frustrating to wait.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
himself said ‘There is a difference between truly listening and waiting for
your turn to talk. I think a lot of us are just waiting for our turn to talk.
What is truly
listening? I think truly listening means putting aside our own thoughts and
feelings about what we are hearing. We shouldn’t hear just to plan what to say,
how to argue a point or get someone to understand our point of view.
When I was a youngster
in school, I truly listened to my teachers and elders because I was young and
ignorant. I didn’t know anything yet, I had not lived life or read books or
studied theories, so I listened to those that had and soaked up what they had
to say like a little sponge. Doing that made me the person I am today, someone
that is so full of herself and so sure of her knowledge that I don’t listen,
truly listen.
What do you think, do you listen, truly listen or are you just waiting for your turn to talk?
Please visit Urspo
at Spo-Reflections, he is a very gifted writer and he’s funny and creative and
I enjoy reading his posts.
I think I’m a good listener because I hate being interrupted. I’ve noticed people often jump to the wrong conclusions when they interrupt, not waiting to hear the full details.
ReplyDeleteExactly! I do that with my sister and sometimes I get it, I know what the conclusion is but sometimes I am way off the mark and she tells me jokingly "you don't know me!" I too hate to be interrupted. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
Deletei know what you mean about not "really listening"...i think i am a good listener, but it really depends on the topic of conversation. being a nurse in my youth, listening to my patients was very important. i find when i am not listening it is usually because the subject of the conversation does not interest me. now, i have so many friends who are "interruptors" (that's what i call them) they start to talk at the same time as i am talking. i am very mindful not to interrupt people, not to speak over them. as long as i am interested, i think i am a good listener, i hope i am!!
ReplyDeleteI didn't know you were a nurse, that's wonderful. I have a niece that is a nurse and she's such a sweet and giving person, but tough...she's amazing. Being in groups of people makes it even harder at times to not interrupt or to wait your turn. I have one friend that is the attention monster, she can make a simple little story drag on through the whole meal if we don't interrupt her. I guess it takes all kinds to make the world go round! :)
Deleteattention monster...i LOVE that, i am going to steal it!!!
DeleteNowadays, there's great use of What's app. which involves writing to and receiving a written reply. No need to listen, unless you get a voice message. I use what's app a lot. Voice messages I used to get from someone who had difficulty in writing. The voice message is usually short and not clear.
ReplyDeleteI text a lot in groups with family and friends and with my sister Lisa. Lisa is very good at doing shorthand in her texts, you have to read between the lines so sometime I will just reply with ???. I know a lot of people that use What's app, I am trying to limit the apps that I used as far as social media. I have Facebook and Instagram but when everyone went to snapchat and tiktok I decided I did not need to have one more thing that would take time away from my day! I guess I'm old school :)
DeleteI like this thought-provoking post. It’s an interesting read. Thank you for sharing this. I DO Listen . . . until the person stops talking, then I speak. I do it because I don’t like to be interrupted when I'm talking. If the person I'm talking to interrupts me more than once, I disengage and stop communicating. At that point the person will have to ask me if I have anything to say because I have stopped talking.
ReplyDeleteThat’s just a quirk I developed from years of dealing with someone who ALWAYS interrupts, “Hogging-the-conversation”. I wish you well, my friend.
That's a great idea, to stop communicating for the moment. I'm trying to get better at it, to be there in the moment and to truly listen. I too dislike being interrupted!
DeleteThank you for the mention!
ReplyDeleteOne of my new years resolutions is to pause at least two seconds before speaking. This is good manners and allows more of a dialogue for me not just waiting for the other to stop.
You are welcome! Your blog posts very often provide inspiration to me for blog posts...and you think I read you just for fun :)
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