Heaven has gained an Angel - Our Mom Has Passed

     On Saturday evening February 15th, between 7:40 and 8:10 pm our mom passed away. We were lucky that she went as she wanted to go, without pain, in peace and quiet with her family surrounding her.

    In my previous post I write about mom wanting us all to gather together on Thursday, February 13th because she was ready to go, well she was and I believe she wanted to give us a heads up so we could all get to her bedside and say our goodbye.

    On Friday morning she was no longer responsive to us; she would move around and call for her sisters and reach her arms to Heaven as if someone was there waiting to take her and she was ready to go. The hospice nurse came by and said that mom was "transitioning" which meant that mom was entering the final stages of dying. She advised us to continued using the morphine, combined with an Ativan pill and mom drifted off peacefully to sleep and she remained that way throughout the day. The nurse told us moving forward we just needed to make sure mom was comfortable and safe, if she awoke and wanted food or water, we could give it to her in small doses.

    On Saturday I had errands I needed to run and groceries I needed to buy. My sister had spent the night so she stayed with mom. When I got home mom was still sleeping and my brothers were there. We started watching a movie and towards the end of the movie I saw mom take 8 big breaths and then settle back down. I went over to her and told her she was ok and that we were all there and to get some rest. I believe it was in that moment when she took those breaths that she died, but we didn't know it.

    We finished watching the movie and my baby brother was going to spend the night to stay with mom and I told him I wanted to show him how to give her the morphine. We prepared it and I showed him how to administer it and then told him he needed to place one pill under her tongue, he asked me to show him how. As I attempted to do so by touching mom's chin, I noticed she was cool to the touch, so I touched her cheek and her arms and hands and they also were cool. I looked at her chest and it was not moving and I told my brother, "Jaime, she's gone, she's not here anymore," and then he touched her, we looked at each other and laughed that mom had left on her own terms without fuss or muss and we instantly called our other brother and sister to come back to the house, which they did immediately.

    We called hospice and they advised us they would send someone as soon as possible and they would contact the funeral home.

    We stayed with mom and with each other until they came for her. It was a sad but happy time for us. We knew mom was no longer suffering and we were happy she had not had any true pain, just some discomfort. We spoke of what a party there was at that moment in Heaven and remembered all the people that had gone before her and that were there to receive her with open arms.

    Our mother is gone, but she will never be forgotten.

The Process of Dying - It's Not One Size Fits All

 The process of dying is strange. I’ve been doing a lot of research and reading the experiences of others who have been through it with their loved ones. I’ve also been following a YouTube channel for a Hospice Nurse who shares her years of knowledge and pretty much what I’ve gleaned is that it’s different for everyone. Sure, there’s some similarities, but it’s not a one size fits all process.

Last night around 4:30 pm mom let me know that she wanted me to call everyone together because she’s ready to go. It was a tough call to make because I don’t believe that people in Hospice can just make that decision and make death happen, but what do I know. I’d rather err on the side of making sure that if mom has the power to choose when to die that I not disappoint my siblings and their families by not advising them to be present.

Everyone showed up, we said a Rosary with mom and she lay there peacefully while we tried hard to be serious and contemplative and show what we have been taught is the proper respect during the dying process. But we are her children and before you know it, we would be laughing at some shared memory. We sat there until she awoke and said she was hungry and wanted some Cream of Wheat and then later she wanted some yogurt. We didn’t dare ask her “What happened to you dying mom?” we were just happy it hadn’t happened. Everyone went home and she spent a relatively quiet night until about 2pm when she awoke and wanted us to move her from her bed to her recliner.

Our first mistake was listening to her! My daughter and I got her moved to her recliner by ourselves, although it was a struggle and mom was too weak and out of it to be helpful. We kept trying to readjust her in her chair but no matter what we did she was uncomfortable. Finally, we realized that she was never going to be happy in the chair and it would be best to move her back to her hospital bed and there was our second mistake, thinking we could do that by ourselves. Needless to say, we are lucky she didn’t end up on the floor with both my daughter and myself on top of her, she was just dead weight…no pun intended.

I had to call my son to come and help us, between the three of us we got her to the bed and my son had to physically lift her out of the chair by himself and place her in the bed. Thank goodness he had the strength to do that, but I realized that I had not only placed mom in danger; but I’d also placed myself, my son, and my daughter in danger of injury. I decided then and there that we would no longer try to move her by ourselves.

Mom slept peacefully the rest of the night. I checked on her a few times when I heard her calling for her sisters, she was sound asleep, just dreaming or hallucinating, unsure which but it’s nice to know that she looks forward to seeing her sisters again soon.

It's Been Two Months - Update on my Mom

 Today marks two months since we brought mom home from the hospital under Hospice care.

I wish I could tell you that she’s back to her old self, getting up on her own and making her coffee, sitting in her chair saying her rosary and then getting up to move to the couch to work on her beading and watch Howie Mandel on Deal or No Deal, then making her lunch and doing some laundry. I really wish I could tell you that the doctors were wrong and she’s beating lung cancer and old age…I really wish I could tell you that.

These past two months have been challenging for me, my sister, our brothers, and mom’s grandkids. Witnessing the decline of someone you love is perhaps the hardest thing you will ever be witness to. While we all feel deeply honored to carry this woman’s blood in our veins, to have been raised and loved by her, we are so much more honored to accompany her on this road to her end of life.

It has not been all rainbows and butterflies; it’s been hard. Mom has always been very stubborn and independent, reluctant to ask for or accept help. Now that she truly needs our help, it’s even more difficult for her to accept it. It has been beautiful though to watch her loved ones care for her, to jump at her slightest movement in case she needs them or needs something from them. It’s been especially poignant to watch how her grandkids care for her with such tenderness and love, if she were to ask for a star from the sky, they would bring her a whole galaxy if they could.

So, we have her with us yet another day, we all hope for yet another day. Mom though is ready, she’s told us she’s ready, she wants to go, she’s tired. She speaks often with her sisters that have gone before her, she calls out for our dad in her sleep. It is heartbreaking.

Books Read in 2024 - I met my goal!

Every year since I believe 2015 I have been setting a goal for myself on how many books I could read throughout the year. You can go HERE to read a wrap-up of the previous years. For this year I am just going to post the summary that Goodreads.com provides.

That's all I really have for now. I hope to write more about how my mom is doing later this week.

The Bravest Woman I've ever known - my Mom

This is a post long over-due, but one of the hardest for me to write about. But like all the people that took the Polar Bear plunge yesterday I'm just going to jump right in.

On December 12, 2024 we had to call an ambulance for our mom who was struggling to breath due to fluid in her lungs. They did a Thoracentesis and removed several liters of fluid from her lungs. After the procedures mom was able to breath much better, but this was just the beginning of the story.

Mom and I 

On the 14th, after spending the night in the hospital with mom and freezing my butt off, I went home to get some rest. I had barely gotten home when my sister in law, Connie called to say that the minute I left, the doctor showed up (story of my life, everyone I need shows up after I leave!)

Connie said our mom wanted her four children to go to the hospital immediately as she had something she wanted to discuss with us. We all gathered at the hospital where mom told us that the doctor had confirmed a prior diagnosis of lung cancer and he had given her three choices,  one being surgery to remove part of the lung - very dangerous given her age and heart condition and other health issues; two they could place a stint in her lungs to continue to drain the fluid but the cancer was still there and would have to be addressed, plus the chances of infection were high. The third choice was to do nothing, to have Hospice step in, to go home and to make her as comfortable as possible and hopefully she would die peacefully at home surrounded by her family. 

Mom had already made her decision on her own to go home under hospice care, she just wanted the four of us there so she could tell us in person and she wanted us to be in agreement with her. We all were in agreement. 

She came home on 12/14/2024 and we have been celebrating every day that she's been given. She made it through her birthday on the 19th, she made it through Christmas Eve and Day, she made it through the New Year. I can see her deteriorating daily but in small stages, nothing I can pin point. She's on oxygen 24/7 but she can still walk with help to the bathroom and handle her business. Hospice has a nursing aide that is a sweetheart and she comes twice a week to shower mom and make her laugh. They also have a nurse that comes in twice a week to monitor her progress, refill any medications.

Because mom lives with me, I see her on the daily and I'm the one along with my son and daughter that help her at night with anything that she may need, but I have a whole team of siblings and nieces that are stepping in whenever and wherever they are needed...but even with all that …this is hard. We went through the same thing with our dad, but he was in a convalescent hospital, this is very different. I pray that mom passes quietly in her sleep at home, it's what she has always wanted. If you are someone who prays, please pray for her and for us, if you want to put kind and positive thoughts into the world for us, that would also be greatly appreciated.

I will write more another time, I want to write about her and let you know who she is and what she has done for us, she's an amazing, stubborn, smart, talented, beautiful woman, and I am so lucky to have had her to be my mom for 66 years  now...and counting. 

My Birthday

    My 66th birthday will be this Saturday. Hard to imagine 66!

    Last night I went out to dinner with my sister Lisa, my cousin Mary Helen and my sister in law Connie. I wanted them to try a new place I had gone to with my co-workers called Mas Bella Restaurant.  

    We went on Mariachi Wednesday, they have several themed nights there as you can see from the little mini menu below. 

    We sat in the bar so we could talk, when you sit in the restaurant where the mariachi is you can't hear yourself think between the patrons talking and the music, but we could hear it playing in the background. Here's a little snippet I took. The sound quality is not great. 

    We had a great time and the food was great. I had the Chicken Taquitos and they were very good and quite filling, they were off the appetizer menu. Mary Helen and Connie both had the Tacos de Papa which are three crispy, potato filled tacos topped with lettuce, sour cream and pico de gallo, just in case you've never heard of them. 

    Lisa had her old standby, Enchilada, Taco, Rice and Beans which looked really good, I'll have to try them next time.

    My sister in law Connie had brought me a birthday gift, beautiful emerald and teal stemless Rachel Zoe wine glasses with my favorite flying creature, the butterfly. I love them and can't wait to try them!

    As we were in the parking lot hugging and saying goodbye one of the Mariachis was just getting into his car and he saw the Happy Birthday bag that I was carrying and he said, "How come you didn't tell us it was your birthday? We would have sang you Mananitas!" So my sister Lisa piped up and said "It's not to late, sing them to her here!" So he did and it was so special and he had such a beautiful voice. A perfect end to a perfect evening.

    Here are the lyrics in spanish to Las Mananitas. 

    Roughly translated...

How beautiful it is the morning 

when I come to greet you. 

We all come with joy and pleasure to congratulate you. 

The Day you were born all the flowers were born, 

and at the baptism font the nightingales sang. 

Dawn is coming, and the light of day has dawned on us. 

Get up, look at the light of day.

    Grateful this morning for friends and family and for the blessing to have lived another year. 

    

Arizona Trip - Part Three

     Day three was a Saturday and the plan for the day was to head to our cousin Norrie's home in Arizona City which as you can see by the map below was a little more than 1 hour away from Copa's home in Phoenix. You can see where cousin Stella lives in the top left corner in Surprise. They are very lucky to all live so close to each other. 

    Lucy was again our designated driver and it was so nice getting to spend so much time with her. Once we girl cousins grew up and started getting married and having kids we stopped having time to really get together, seeing each other only at wedding, funerals and family reunions. Now as we've gotten older, our kids are off on their own, we have all grown so close and I'm so happy that has happened. Below is a picture of my mom's parents and her siblings, minus Uncle Tino who was missing from this picture and Aunt Eliza who had passed away several years earlier.

L-R: My mom Tomasa, sisters Casimira, Leonor, Herminia, Maria, brother Jesus (brother Tino was missing), sisters Elena, Nicolasa and their mother and father celebrating their 50th Wedding Anniversary, Tomasa and Eustino.

    Back to the plan for the day. Norrie had offered to take us to the Tucson Museum of Art and after the museum we were coming back to her home to have dinner with more cousins.

    The Tucson Museum of Art was amazing! Aside from seeing all my beautiful family members, this was my favorite thing to have done in Arizona. What made it even more special is that Norrie had not told us that our Aunt Ninfa was coming with us. Aunt Ninfa is the widow of our Uncle Jesus. In the photo above he is the tall man with the black hair in the middle. 

At the Museum: L-R Me, Aunt Ninfa, my sister Lisa, our cousins Norrie and Lucy

    Aunt Ninfa is an amazing, loving, generous, funny, beautiful woman and big part of many of my childhood memories. She was the first person to ever make me a grilled cheese sandwich and served it with dill pickles...I still eat it that way to this very day. I was so happy that we were going to share this day with her.

Tia Ninfa surrounded by amazing artwork. She is a very devout Catholic and any image of the Virgen Mary is special to her.

    We no sooner got there and started walking around when we got in trouble! There are no signs anywhere that you CANNOT TOUCH THE ARTWORK! I won't name names, but a few of us (not me) touched the artwork. Security quickly came and asked us not to. Some of us forgot and continued to do so...that's when a security guard had to start following us. Once she saw that we had learned our lesson she quit following us. At the time I was mortified, I'm a rule follower, but now I can laugh about it.

Aunt Ninfa was very interested in these. I wish I had taken a picture of the sign that said what these are and who the artist was but they appeared to be very old and I'm assuming they are beaded leg coverings for Kachina Dancers. They looked as though they are made from some type of animal hide and beading, they were amazing. 

    There was a lot of Arizona type art and I will do a separate post with photos of the artwork that I took; in this post I mainly want to post photos of Tia Ninfa and the cousins enjoying the museum.

Tia Ninfa standing in front of another religious piece of artwork. She really loved this one.

Me and Tia Ninfa. I love this lady so much! I really need to remember to take my purse off when I take photos!

My sister Lisa with our Aunt Ninfa. Both so photogenic, loving the look on Tia Ninfa's face in this one. 

Lisa taking a picture of me while I took a picture of her. The artwork is canes that have been painted and bent. My favorite thing about this photo is Cousins Lucy and Norrie and Aunt Ninfa behind the wall laughing at us crazy California girls!

Cousin Lucy and my sister Lisa posing in front of photo of Lucille Ball cooking. This was a special piece of artwork for Lucy because of the name and for Lisa because she adored Lucille Ball and the I Love Lucy Show. 

Photo of me taken by Lisa in front of the canes. You can see the canes much better in her photo.

Photo taken by Lisa, L-R: Cousin Norrie, Aunt Ninfa, Me and Cousin Lucy

Is she beautiful or what! Tia Ninfa on the ride home, tired but happy!

    After we had seen all that we wanted to see at the museum, Norrie took us to a little cafe next door to the museum called Cafe a La Cart. She had planned for us to have lunch there before heading back to her house. What a great idea! We loved it, so cute!

    We all decided to have the Chilled Artisan Tomato Soup and Salad. Aunt Ninfa said she just wanted a bowl of soup so I told Lisa who was placing our order, that Aunt Ninfa could have my soup and I just wanted the salad. Lisa didn't feel that was enough food, so she order the Chilaquiles for the table. 

Chilaquiles

    When Aunt Ninfa saw the Chilaquiles she said "I want that!" So we told her she had ordered the soup and tried to put the soup in front of her and she said "No, I want that!" We all thought that was hilarious and she could have the world if we could give it to her, so we let her have the Chilaquiles and I have never seen anyone enjoy food as much as she did. It was a joy to watch her eat, she cleaned her plate!

    We had a wonderful drive home, it was so nice for me to have someone else drive. Once we got to Norrie's house we helped her get things ready. I was put in charge of making the Sangria! I had never made a Sangria but I found a simple recipe online and I made the best darn Sangria ever, in my humble opinion!

Sangria - wine with fruit. The cookies pictured were purchase at the little Cafe in Tucson and we had leftovers so we cut them in quarters so everyone could enjoy them. 

    I wish I had taken pictures of the food that Norrie and our cousin Michael had made for us. I know there was Mexican rice and beans and three different types of Enchiladas. The typical red enchilada, a green enchilada with chicken and what they called an Enchilada Sonorense which is a stacked enchilada with layers of meat and cheese, it was delicious with home made tortillas. Michael and Norrie make quite the team!

Enchilada Sonorense - https://www.maricruzavalos.com/flat-enchiladas-sonorenses/

A few people came and went before we remembered to take a photos. But I'm glad we got this one. L-R: My sister Lisa, Lucy, Me, Cousin Tito holding a bottle, Norrie, Cousin Michael in the yellow shirt, Cousin Tino the Honorable because he's a Judge and seated is Norrie's husband Lacho and her grandbaby who was just amazed by my beauty and only had eyes for me! 

    We finally headed back to Copa's house, Copa and her daughter Daniella were at the dinner, but they had left prior to the picture. We were tired but happy and so full of delicious food. It was bittersweet to say good-bye to the ones that stayed behind in Arizona City and Eloy. We love you guys!

    The next day Lucy, our every faithful and beautiful driver took us back to the airport where we caught our flight and Lisa didn't even need alcohol for the flight home. I'm so grateful we were able to make this trip! Thank you Arizona Family!

Arizona Trip - Part Two

    Day Two in Arizona

    Lisa and I are both very early risers, we were awake by 6am but just stayed in bed until we started hearing noises and we knew our cousin was up and about. After coffee she told us the plan for our day.

    Our cousin Lydia aka Copa is going through Chemotherapy currently and it really drains her and she needs help to do several of the daily things that the rest of us take for granted. She needed to go back to her daughters house so we had the morning off. Copa let us have use of her car so we drove around Phoenix and hit a couple of stores and then realized we couldn't fit anything in our tiny carry-on so there was no use buying anything or shopping any further. But it was a fun morning and we knew that around 2pm we were meeting back up with Copa and Lucy and heading to Surprise, Arizona where our cousin, Stella lives with her daughter Jessica and granddaughter Roni. 

    Stella is the daughter of my mom's sister Elena. She moved several years ago from San Diego to Surprise and we had not had a chance to see her new home yet, so we were excited to go there. Lucy was once again our chauffeur and she did a great job. We did have one moment that a guy ran a red light and she had to slam on the brakes...and I thought California drivers were bad!!! We headed out around 4pm just barely missing rush hour as it was a Friday, but we still hit quite a bit of traffic.

    Stella's new home is so pretty! I loved her kitchen and I wish I had taken pictures but I was too busy looking at everything. She had planned a simple meal because of course it's very hot to be cooking extravagantly. So we had pizza and salad and margaritas, life doesn't get better than that right? She had some yummy desserts, but I'm trying to cut out sugar and don't even remember what all she had. OH! She also made her super delicious Salsa which we had with Chips. I have never had a better Salsa. I need to remember to ask her for the recipe.

    Afterwards we sat around reminiscing about our childhoods and waiting for it to get cooler outside so we could take a nice picture of us all together. It was fun to catch up and to share stories we remembered of our childhood. Stella is older than the rest of us so she has much better memories, plus she is the family historian and keeper of the records. She loves genealogy and is constantly on ancestry.com finding out more information about our family history. 

Back row left to right, Me, Cousin Stella and Lisa. Front row Lucy and Copa. 

    We could have talked all night, but we new we had the trip back to Phoenix, which was about 45 minutes to an hour away. The traffic was much better on the way home. We had a great time on our second day and Lucy, Lisa, Copa and I continued sharing stories until it was time to hit the hay and see what adventures awaited us the next day!

My Arizona Trip and whatever else comes to mind. (part one)

    When last I left you guys, I gave you a brief update letting you know my sister Lisa and I were flying off that morning to visit our Arizona family. We were leaving the cool, blissful weather of 105 in Bakersfield CA  for the blistering desert that is Phoenix AZ which was 109 when we landed! Many have asked us, "Why would you travel to someplace hotter?" Well...when it's over 100, it's all the same thing...uncomfortable! So one place is as good as another and we were off on an adventure!

Before and After, With makeup before and without after! You can tell we had a great time!

    We got to the airport and Lisa who is a worrier by nature anyway was super nervous. She was just talking and talking and jumping from one topic to another and not making much sense. Thank goodness for airport bars, we each had a beer with some chips to settle our nerves. Strictly for medicinal purposes!

Just one beer for the road, or should I say the sky?

Can't let Lisa drink alone, can I?

    The boarding and take off went off without a hitch and soon we were in the air. Lisa took the window seat and I had a great description of what she was seeing. We landed at Phoenix and the landing was a little rough, I think we were right over the tires and Lisa yelled out "Oh shit!" We had a family with 2 girls and 1 boy sitting next to us and their eyes got as round as saucers. 

    We had a hard time navigating the Phoenix Airport...that place is huge. But we finally figured out how to get out of there and our cousin Lucy was there to pick us up and take us to her niece Daniella's house where they hosted a dinner for us. On the driver there, Lucy almost killed us once when she accidentally turned into a one-way street, but she corrected herself at the last minute. I'm only putting that in here because I want to make sure that we all remember so we can kid each other when we're all in the same nursing home! In the photo is Lisa, Lucy and me in red...a few days later. Lucy is the daughter of my moms sister Herminia. Lucy has two sisters, Lydia aka Copa and Herminia aka Minnie. 

    After dinner we were taken to Lydia aka Copa's house. She  had generously invited us to stay in her home in a beautiful guest room where we had everything we could need, even non-slip socks! We were greeted by this sweet boy named Rocky. I fell in love with him the last time we were in Copa's house and I think he remembered me. Just look at those big caramel colored eyes! Who's a good boy?

Rocky

    That's the end of our first day in Phoenix, Lisa's first flight. It was time to rest and prepare for the next couple of days. 

What have I been up to?

 Just thought I would pop on real quick and do an update. 

First of all, I did not purchase the car. Turns out I am in need of a new roof. I was pretty sad about the car, I really loved it, but priorities right? I can always buy a car another day, but if my roof flies away, what am I going to do then.

Second, I have been so busy the past few months since I posted about the car. I started a post to fill everyone in but it's still sitting in my pending file.

Today, in a few hours actually, I am flying to Arizona for a fun trip to visit with my Arizona cousins. As they say, there's no one crazier than the cousins on your momma's side of the family.

It will be my sister Lisa's first time flying, so I'm hoping she loves to fly as much as I do.

Hope to blog again soon.