Well, it's been two weeks and two days since my daddy passed away.
It's been one week and three days since his funeral and burial.
Today is the last day of his Novena and the pain and sorrow is just as strong as it was the day he died.
No...not true, the pain and sorrow is greater because it's finally hitting me that he is gone. That he's not here anymore. That I can't just pick up the phone and call him, I can't get in my car and go have a chat with him, he's not here anymore.
I feel like I don't even fit inside my own skin anymore. I just want to leave my body and be somewhere where there is no loss, no pain, no sorrow, no anger, no resentment!
At times the hurt overwhelms me and I don't know where to turn or what to do. I just sit and stare. I can't seem to focus on work or television shows or books. When I'm alone I want to be with family and when I'm with family I want to be alone.
I have moments when I think I'm better and then grief knocks me on my ass and blankets me with a heavy shroud of sorrow and I feel like I will never be able to lift the weight of it off of me again.
I have to remind myself that this is normal, that this is going to hurt, that it's going to take time and that I will recover. I have to remind myself that I'm not going nuts, that nothing is wrong other than I am grieving for my daddy and that while I will always miss him, someday the hurt won't cut as deep and I will be able to breathe again.